Far From Home

"Do you Ever Wonder who you are? Do you ever wonder as you stare into the stars, where you began and how you got this far from home? Have you ever walked along the shore? Have you ever seen the water dancing back and forth? Did you look inside to see if there was more to life? There's a dream taking wing, there's a voice that wants to sing, and even in the deepest darkest night, the torches raise to the sky, there are hands that hold it high, you were born to keep it burning bright. You were made to fly, you were meant to shine, Child of mine! You will never ever stand alone, you were never called to bear the burdens on your own. Where there is fear love will take control and lead you on!" Have you ever felt this way? These are words from a song I was listening to today. I will admit that I have felt this way and was feeling this way today and the past week or so. Sometimes I really wonder what I'm suppose to learn from events in my life. Sometimes I wonder what Heavenly Father really wants me to accomplish. Sometimes I feel alone and sometimes I have fears and try to carry the burdens on my own. I have been having situations in which I don't know the solution to. As I've turned to loved ones and friends to find solutions the same response keeps coming and that is LOVE. How can I show the same Love to people in my life as the savior would show? This has been a huge concern and on my mind as of late. It's so hard to do this sometimes. I went into teaching because I had a dream of helping and molding young minds. I have found its not that easy. I was feeling the overwhelming feeling today of how can I do better? I was suppose to go to a Training for school today and so I was going to miss a Relief Society meeting we were to have tonight. So, I drove to where I thought the address for the training was, and I went to the wrong location. I was not going to make it in time to the other location. Luckily, I could just cancel it online and would not be penalized. This allowed me the opportunity to go to the Relief society program. By this point I was tired and overwhelmed. I was convincing myself not to go. However, I had a good friend telling me to go and my heart kept telling me to go as well. I showed up with a hardened heart (more so just an emotional wreck). As the program begin I was an emotional mess. It was about doing family history and attending God's House. It opened with a musical number that literally made me cry like a baby. It told the story of a forgotten soul who was waiting and waiting on the other side for someone to find her. It was a song of loneliness, a song of yearning for help that could not be done on her own. It required the help of us, the help of someone beyond herself. It was a duet and there was a response by someone in the audience who said I will help you and together we will reach God. It was really powerful. Then many dressed in white came to the pulpit and told their stories. They told their names and asked if anyone in the audience had their name.(they gave us all little slips with names on them when we entered). Some people who shared their story had someone in the audience who had their name and some did not. They were lost, they were forgotten. It was a powerful image. Then a father and daughter sang "Your not alone" All the family except the daughter were found and their work was done. The words go something like "Your not alone, even though right now your on your own, you are loved in ways that can't be shown, your needs are known, your not alone. And when you cry your just letting go of heartache deep inside so tomorrow there will be sunshine in the sky and love close by, your not alone. I know that its not easy, but I know that it won't last because one who loves you more than me is sending blessings fast." I know this is true. I feel so blessed to have this knowledge. There are a lot of bumps in the roads of life. However, the joys overwhelm the bumps. I'm so glad to have a testimony of Jesus Christ and his love for me. I'm so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who allows me to be blessed and shows his love for me in ways that are special and important to me.  I have tried so many times in my life to do things on my own and follow my own ways, but I have learned time and time again things go a lot better when I follow his plan and his ideas! I'm grateful for the tender mercies I experience and tonight was one of those! Its always nice to be reminded of the wonderful spirit and gospel that is in my life. It truly brings me TRUE JOY! For that, I am most grateful. We are never to far from home and we should do our part to make sure that all those whom we love Return Home with us! Have a blessed night!

I'm Back and with a lot to say

Hello Blogging world and maybe the few people who actually ever read this. I just have really felt the need to write some things down and for me blogging is easier than keeping a journal. So, here it goes. Ever since coming home from Haiti my life has been kind of a whirlwind and at points I didn't have anything interesting to say about my life and now I don't have the time to share my life. So, here is the update. I moved to Las Vegas after living in Haiti! I still can't get over that just a year ago I was living in Haiti. Oh how the time flies and oh how grateful I am for the many blessings and opportunities I have had.  I came here in hopes to work and have a new adventure like I always like to have. I felt really good about coming here although I knew the economy was not great and I may not find a job. I started to really doubt my good feelings after being unemployed for almost 4 months. Talk about a lazy piece of crap. That was me. I did nothing with my life for 4 months. I spent my time watching hours upon hours of tv and hating my life. It was pretty depressing actually. Thankfully, I made some friends and I had my sister. We became pretty close and I'm grateful for the time we had to strengthen our relationship. After about 4 months I finally after a long process got to start substitute teaching. I actually really loved this job and it was a really good and much needed experience to help me in my future career of teaching. I had some days where I was like I never wanna teach and other days where I was like I love this. Well, in the beginning of October I got a very unexpected phone call. I had applied through Clark County District to teach but was pretty sure I wouldn't have a full time position until the next year. I got a call to ask me to come in for an interview for a school I had no idea about and had never seen or heard of. They had just gotten my resume from the district. Anyway, I interviewed and they basically offered me the job the next day. I was in awe. I was amazed at how it all came together and I knew that maybe I was right after all in choosing to come to Las Vegas.
Well, I started in November teaching 5th grade. I thought it to be a lot more glamorous then it really was. I figured out quickly why I got hired so quickly;) Being a determined first year teacher I told myself I wasn't going to let anything bring me down and break my spirits. Boy was I wrong. Teaching my class was going to be no easy task. My new class of these 32 little souls was actually going to prove to be quite a challenge. Never did I know that 10 year olds could be so crazy and mean. I have never dealt with so many issues.  Right before this new job I had the opportunity to go and spend time with a sweet friend of mine from the mission. She was someone we taught the gospel to but never got baptized. I always told her if she did ever decide to be baptized I would be there. So, she did 4 years later and I got to be there. I was so happy that I was able to attend her baptism and talk with my sweet friend again. I also got to spend some good times with my old companion. We had such a great time with Abby our friend and also visiting our old stomping grounds of Blaine Minnesota. Those were some very good and memorable times in my life. Anyway, so that helped me get through and realize you know people change and I can inspire change in this class. I can make a difference, isn't that why I chose to teach anyway? Didn't I always want the challenging kids so I could have more of an opportunity to be a good role model? Well, that has proved to be much easier said than done.
Fast forward to my current life about 3 months of teaching and sculpting these young little brains. I spend so much time with them and I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall. I definitely  am not as patient and kind and loving and inspiring as I would hope to be. I feel much like a parent raising a child. I know I've made mistakes and despite these children and their disrespectful ways sometimes I love them. We have made some strides but we still have a long ways to go. I have about 75 more days to try and help these kiddos. Pray for me.
I just want to share my experience with them today. Often times I have to have a "talk" with my kids about appropriate behaviors. I know they get sick of me. Well, today I had it. I was frustrated I had to deal with about 5 unnecessary conflicts within in my classroom throughout the day meaning I had to take time away from the kids who wanted to learn to deal with them. I was really sick of the kids being so unkind to one another. I felt inspired I think to have another talk with them but I took a little different approach. I started the usual we need to have another talk about being kind. After spilling my heart out about being kind and being respectful I started to tell them about how they never know what another kid is dealing with that they may be being unkind to or making fun of. I told some stories from my past times when maybe I wasn't the most proud of the way I treated someone and how I still feel bad about it. I talked about how I had to make the choice to change my attitude to change my ways. I remember in fourth grade me and some friends banned up against another girl. We made her cry like everyday when she went home. I remember we had to all have a big conversation with our teacher and then we had to all go over to her house with our parents to talk about it. I remember being angry we had to do that and thinking this girl was just being ridiculous. However, I knew that it must have been horrifying for her that she had to do this and that we were treating her so unkindly. Anyway, it was kind of an emotional talk and I got very honest with them and told them about my life and having to work hard and constantly change my life. I told them I don't want kids to come here and feel unsafe. For some this is the only safe place they can come. Well, I got a few tears as the kids started sharing experiences about their life and times kids were unkind and how it made them feel. They told about the different trials they are going through at their own homes. Its crazy to hear the things that these young little people are going through and dealing with. Their lives aren't easy and they are having to deal with tough things. It makes me concerned for their future and how some of them will deal with these problems as they are already down a path that isn't looking good. Anyway, it was a good and enlightening experience. I really do love these now 31 kids and I'm interested to see what their future holds for them. I just hope we can make it peacefully through the rest of the year.
Anyway, I know that was a lot but It's been awhile hopefully I can start sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly about teaching on here:)

Life Goes On

Well, I have been home from Haiti for about a month now. It is crazy how some things in life can seem like a dream. When I got home and knew that I was home in the United States for good I felt like I never really lived in Haiti. This makes me kind of sad, because it was such a great experience in my life. I just hope like many things although you leave the situation that the lessons learned will remain with me throughout my life. Its hard to put thought to paper about my Haiti experience over the last 6 months. I remember when I first entered Haiti I was in complete shock. I couldn't believe that people were living in these conditions. Everyone kept saying that i would get used to it, I thought how could anyone ever get used to this. I mean there are people everywhere living on the streets amongst the garbage, rubble, and fallen buildings. I was heartbroken every day for these people. I couldn't stop thinking about what I could do to help everyone there. I was seeing things that I couldn't have even thought up if i wanted to. Each day i saw something that would shock me....Well, after a few months I started to get a little bit more accustomed to the region, to the country, and the culture. However, I can honestly say that it never got easy to see such hardship and sadness. Every day I would see so many downtrodden people.  On the flip side I was constantly amazed at how happy so many seemed. I thought about how would I live my life if I was from this country? I would like to think that I would try to remain positive and be a happy person. If you can't change your surroundings you have to change your attitude. That was one thing about the people I lived around, all the Americans, they chose to have a bad attitude and see only the bad in the country. I for one saw a lot of good. That is the wonderful opportunity that I had of actually living there instead of just going for a week or two. I got to really see the country and get to know the people. I got to go inside their homes and meet their familes.I got to see the "raw" side of their lives and how they live. First off I can say, yes they do not have a lot! Yes in Material things they are few, but their character and the people they are is like finding a rare diamond. The wonderful people I had the opportunity to meet have blessed my life so much. To see how someone can live in such humble conditions, but they know whats really important in life. Now, as I continue to finish this post I have been home for about 2.5 months. Its crazy. And its amazing how in that short amount of time how quickly you can forget those lessons of whats really important in life. Especially when you have been looking for work for 2.5 month and you cant find anything that "pays" enough. I think of all these people in Haiti who haven't worked for years and have families. I really don't understand how they survive. Because like I have a credit card I can live for awhile on that:) But they don't have that. It really baffles me. I'm not sure how they keep living, especially when they have families. Anyway, I am blessed and I'm grateful for all the help and support I have around me that even though I don't have a job or a lot of money right now I have a wonderful support around me who help me get through these tough times. I miss and love Haiti and I look forward to going back some day. I wrote a blog post for a friends of a friends blog....you can check it out here.....anecdotesofayiti.blogspot.com

 My Last Sunday..I will miss the love of these sweet children

 Some of the Boys from Church

 In the Tap Tap

 This little girl is just precious!

Good people, my friend who drove me to the airport and from church:)

Street Kids

Over the past few days I have been reading some friends blogs, catching up on the happenings of their lives. There seemed to be a common theme among my friends with children. That is they feel so blessed to be a mother. They are so happy in the role they play as mother. It made me think about how blessed those wonderful little babies are to have someone who loves them, cares for them, kisses them, teaches them, and maybe even gets mad at them occassionaly. I never realized how much a tender kiss, or a warm hug, or a strict lesson in manners, or a bath for heavens sake could really mean until I came in contact with some of the sweetest children I have met in my lifetime, and I've known a lot of kids. Think of your children or children you know maybe a nephew or niece. How sad would it be if you could not afford to take care of your child? What point in your life would you have to be at to leave your child in the street? How painful would it be to leave your child and maybe even knowing they may not live or if they do they may live a horrible life but it would be better than being with you. What would you think your children would turn out like?  It is hard for me to imagine or even think what that would be like.

One place I have visited often here in Haiti and one place I have loved immensly is a place where "The Street Kids" live. These children were literally found living on the street, some of them were dropped off at this facility, or some of them have just found this place through previous friends or something. There are about 70 kids living in a tiny house. The man who runs it is a former street kid. He is doing his best(he has some funding from a group within the U.S.) to teach these children a trade and provide a better life for them than begging on the streets. They at least get food here and a place to sleep that is relatively safe. These children (mostly boys) have not had an easy life. They have not had someone to constantly love on them, feed them, bathe them, kiss them, and give them their basic needs. Since a young age they have worked for their suck. They have pleaded for love and affection. They have begged for their living so they can keep living! Everytime I see a child on the street my heart breaks. They did not choose this life. It seems they are disregarded by everyone. Here they are in worn clothes and dirty/broken shoes going from car to car asking for money. Can you imagine your child doing that?? I can't and I dont' have children. Everytime a child comes to my car it breaks my heart. The worst part is I have been told I should not give money to them. (I do sometimes). Usually there is a whole group of them and if you give to one you have a huge risk of many coming and clawing at your car basically. And for what?? One dollar, maybe 50 cents? The kids we visit have a good place to live where they all take care of eachother and the former street kid treats them well. However, that is not the case for all of these boys. Some of them will get beaten if they do not provide money to their head person. It just consumes me with sadness when I think about all of it.

HOWEVER, I am BLESSED and GRATEFUL for what they have shown me. It would be so easy to be a hardened child or treat others unkindly. This is what you would assume would happen to a child who has grown up in such harsh conditions. But they are still Children. Just like every child they want love, they want affection, they want friends, and they love toys:) . However, they are not consumed by material things, they just want to eat some food and maybe have some clothes. I have been impressed each time I go to visit the street kids. I am overwhelmed with love and compassion, and it is not always me giving those feelings. I am learning from them. They LOVE me unconditionally. They do not care what I look like or that I can't understand them when they try to talk to me. They come up to me and embrace me and tell me they love me and that we are family. (They always call me sister). They are so gracious for the small things we may bring for them, or that we take the time to blow bubbles with them, or fingerpaint with them, or work on their writing with them. They are happy! They have the cutest smiles! They are still CHILDREN OF GOD no matter what kind of life they have been born into. And Heavenly Father loves each of them. I know this because I have felt that pure love come through me for them. I can't explain the love I have for these children. They make me smile. They bring joy into my life. They are an example of love, patience, and kindness. I am blessed for having known them. I will miss arriving in their court yard in the back of the truck, jumping out to be greeted by many little children with hugs and kisses and hellos. I am so thankful for these "Street Kids" They have changed my life!

Bony....A Former Street Kid...he is the sweetest!

Look at those Priceless Smiles

Its all Good!

A cutie

This little boy always wants his picture taken!

Look at those smiles!!

 Loves!

Respect-That is what that thumb sign means!

 I told him to make that pose!

This kid was cracking me up!

They were loving the Sungless Miss Carah gave them!



We went to a place called The Artisan Village...It was all Iron Works and you just walk from each little hut to the next...there were at least 20 if not more ..These men were working on Some

It looks Like Quite the Process and Hard Work

 I guess they are training them young!

Even after 6 months,  I have not gotten used to the Tent Cities

It's been really rainy Lately and I thought that Stream of clouds was Awesome!

Another Former Street Boy that I just love and Adore...He is soooo Sweet and Such a good Kid!

Little Boys carrying Jugs of Water down the Street!

Sweet Karah, the blonde took us to Eat at this Really Cute Chinese restauraunt

The Girls...Margareth, Karah-She is from New York City and is just teh Sweetest Kindest Person, we really bonded! Me and Rebecca-who is also just a great person!

It was a wonderful Saturday and Im so grateful for all the wonderful people I  have come in contact with in Haiti!

Barahona, Dominican Republic

Over the long Memorial Day weekend we decided to embark on a journey. Us along with three other families from the Embassy decided to travel to the Dominican Republic for an adventure and some fun. Well, it was both for sure. To get to the Haiti/DR border from Port Au Prince is like 1.5-2 hours depending on the traffic/road. Well, it had rained a considerable amount before we left on Saturday. So, we had heard that the road to the border is really bad and often floods. So, we had some of the mobile patrol go check it out, they cautioned us against going but we really wanted to go so we forged ahead. They weren't kidding sometimes it floods. In reality we probably shouldn't have gone through what we did, but all in all we made it and it was an adventure. So, the road is literally right by a lake with hardly any barriers. So, it floods a lot but especially in rainy season. Here is what we did on the way there.

 See the road??or do you just mostly see water? Yeah Crazy Right and this was only the Beginning!

That Big Machine was trying to help but it really wasn't!

So, we arrived in Barahona, DR around 10 or 11 am, after 4 hours of driving. We were for sure ready to get out of the car and out to the beach! The area was beautiful. Actually the drive was just beautiful too. It was so interesting it was like once we got out of Port Au Prince aways it got more beautiful, but after we crossed the border there was drastic differences. The streets were cleaner. There were roads that were more driveable, and there were not as many people out on the streets. Granted it wasn't a big city but it was definitley more organized and had a  nice feel to it. The DR is still a developing country, but it is still much farther along than Haiti. It was also just a beautiful country. It kind of made me sad to see how beautiful Haiti could be everywhere if they just kept it up! So, anyway the hotel was simple but nice. We spent a lot of time eating, swimming, and being at the beach. The beach was really rocky but still its the ocean and I just enjoy sitting by the water listening to the waves and also exploring. My friend Laura and I just walked around the little beach area and took pictures and it was beautiful. It definitley felt a little "Pirates of The Caribbean" to me. It was cool. Here are some pictures of the hotel/beach we were at.

The View from the Pool

The View of the Hotel's Beach

Me with the View!

  I also got a massage for the first time here in the DR. It was wonderful although it was outside so people just walking by could see me. At one point there was like 5 guys and one of them stopped and talked with the maseuse.. Kind of Awkward for me! So, on Monday we left and apparently Monday is market day between Haiti and DR. So, there were a lot of people and the Market was really gross. I feel so bad that these people live this way. I mean there was just trash and gross water all around and people were walking in it and trading their food and goods in it. Just craziness!



Chickens anyone??

Truck loads of food/rice/and supplies!

This was right by where all the market was happening!

This is the border! We are in DR about to enter Haiti....it was Crazy!

A very full Tap Tap leaving the Market

 Part of our Caravan, under water

And Again...it was much higher and more scary on the way home!

Well, that is that for our DR trip.

I have a few more pictures I wanted to post from other random times.

My friends Reina-she just got married and Derdy-he just got back from a mini mission and will soon leave for his full time mission-he is a good kid!

Ok this little girl is beautiful! One Sunday she came up to me and just started going through my purse. She found these earrings that she is wearing. I was planning on giving them to another little girl but I just gave them to her. Then, her sister (in the blue) was so sad that her sister got some and she didn't. I had one other pair so I gave it to her and they matched her perfectly. The whole sacrament meeting this little girl was going through my purse wanting the lip gloss and all the other fun stuff in there. So, I appeased her. It was so cute. The next sunday she came and sat with me the whole sacrament just loving on me. It was sooo cute!

I went to Stanley's cousin's wedding with him. It was very interesting. I was the only white person there of course. But, no one seemed to be bothered or care about that! It was a good time. It rained though and was very humid so my hair is a little crazy!!!

One of Stanley's cousins(He says he will only date a white girl! haha) and one of the cute little boys at the wedding! It was a good time.

Well, other than that it has been a good time in Haiti. I can't believe it but I only have two more weeks here before I head back home to embark on another adventure. I'm really glad to have this experience and can't wait to see what the next two weeks will hold for me!!

Accidents Happen

So, one of the little kids I take care of always says Accidents Happen, in like it's ok that I did that because sometimes accidents just happen. You know kids they say some funny things. Well, today I used that very good motto...Hey Accidents Happen. So, today I was driving and was making a left hand turn outside of the Embassy. A car stopped for me so I could go. So, I preceded to turn out of the Embassy and slam the next thing I knew a motorcyclist was hitting into my car. It was scary. The guy was on the ground. He got up and was fine, but he caused a big ole dent in our car and a lot of damage. Funny in one of those weird twisted ways, that just on Monday our driver rear ended someone so our bumper was already slightly hanging off and this accident just unloosened and so it fell off. We just recently got this car back after it was destroyed from our first accident. Talk about some bad luck! So, after it happened all the guards from the embassy came running out. I was so glad it happened right there, because everyone was able to quickly come to our rescue. So, ultimatley it all got taken care of except we now have a broken car again and I feel horrible, even though it was not my fault. Apparently, the motorcyclist didn't have a license or insurance and it wasn't even his motorcycle so he got taken away by the police. Who knows what they do here in these situations.

On a different note, things have been well here, besides a lot of drama happening with  my degree at ISU.  I have been hanging out with a Haitian boy here which means I get to see a side of Haiti  I wouldn't have otherwise seen. I have gotten to go to some restaurants and hang outs in the mountains that overlook Port Au Prince and its been awesome. I've also gotten to be amongst the Haitian people in their communities as I went to his house and his friends home. It has been quite an interesting experience. I am continually amazed to see how people live. It shows me that people can survive and be happy on a little to none income. So, hey my life isn't going exactly as I planned and yes I might be poorer than I hoped at this point. And no I haven't traveled the world. But, I have money to meet my needs. I have a home. I have my health. I have a family. I have peopel who love me and care for me. So, I have all the most important things and for that Im grateful.

This leads me to my next comments. My friend Stanley came with me last Saturday when we went to visit the Street Kids. I love them so much. They really just bring me so much happiness. They maul me like everytime and they just love on me and its awesome. This time one of my favorite little boys, he has 12 fingers. It was classic. One of the other little boys came over and started counting his fingers. He was like see he has 12...kinda like isn't that crazy. But, this sweet little boy was like yeah isn't that awesome. It didn't seem to phase him that he was a little different. He embraced his differences and was happy about them and even seemed to think yeah I'm awesome because I have two more fingers to do stuff with. So, I was just loving it....This is a picture with me and the boys and the little girl who was obsessed with me today for some reason!

Ok so that was one of the little kids. But there is this other little boy there that is just really cute. He has some severe disabilities. His legs are highly deformed. He walks like on his knees. Its kind of hard to explain his condition.  Well when we were there I told Stevenson to come sit with me. So, he gladly did. With him he brought a string. So, I tried to show him Cat's Cradle. It wasn't until after i was done showing him that I realized his hands were also deformed. On his left hand he had all five fingers but some were short. On his right hand he had his thumb, but it was kind of short and then the rest of his hand was like a little nub. It broke my heart and I felt so bad. I was feeling so sorry for him and feeling so bad I showed him something he couldn't do. So, as I sat there watching this sweet little soul I was so touched. You know he just persisted and tried to do what I showed him. He never gave up and he tried other alternatives to ge the same result. So, I tried to show him some other cool things using the strings that he'd be more able to do. He was determined and he didn't give up. It was such a good example to me. He has been dealt tremendous trials. I mean he was living in the streets and now lives in this home with about 69 other street kids, he has severed disabilities, but he continues trying and pushing through. He is just as sweet as can be. So, Stevenson you are a Blessed Child of God and I know that sometimes the people of Haiti may forget you but God will never Forget you and one day you will be with him and you will recieve your reward! I love you little Stevenson.

Sranley was really touched by this experience with Stevenson. He got really emotional and afterwards i asked him if he had never seen the kids in his country in this condition. He said he had seen them on the streets but never like that. He said it just made him realize how blessed he is to have a strong body and to have the ability to provide for himself. It was interesting talking with him about it and Im glad he had that experience. 

Here is some other pictures from our day with the steet kids.

 Me and Stanley-Not really a great picture of Either of us!

My Bony..Love him soo much!

 I love this picture..I think it just captures the sweetest expression!

These two wanted my undivided attention today! It was classic!

Attempted Piggy Back Ride

Love Getting pictures taken??? I think YES! Maybe a little obsessed!

Kind of Sad, but seriously Cute!

I love that he is making a little heart with his hands...he did that ll by himself.....Can you all tell yet that i love these kids???