A Loaded Post..READ ON if youd like!

First things first! I was thinking of someone really amazing yesterday! My Uncle David. He is such a good man. He passed away 4 years ago yesterday. He left an amazing legacy and he has a beautiful family here whom has treated me so well and whom I absolutley adore. I had the great experience of spending a lot of time with my wonderful uncle the summer before he passed away. He taught me a lot of great things by his example and I had a lot of many wonderful spiritual experiences that will live with me throughout my life. Thank you Carraway family for your example of faith, charity, and love. I will forever love my uncle David and I will forever hold him as a man of honor in my life! I love him like my own father!

My Aunt and her 4 Beautiful Children

My Uncle Dave's Grave..He's not there hes in a much better place!

Ok so I sit in a car for four hours everyday....So basically I have a lot of time to sit and think  about whats going on around me and about life! Its good but I think my brain is on overload sometimes!! So here is my most recent thoughts and experiences.

On wednesday we went to the grocery store. So, in the states this may be an hour endeavor at the most. Well, here its a completley different story. We left around 4 and got home around 7. This is not really the problem. The problem is the drive up there and the things we have to see and experience. So, on the way the first thing I saw was a little girl probably like 7 and a dog. The little girl looked terrified of the dog. So, she grabbed a rock, and cautiously walked past the dog ready to throw the rock if need be. So, the poor little girl Im sure had been attacked before. Then, we saw a strange thing. We saw a boy roll a tire across the street and put it in the back of a police truck. Apparently they are efficient here why waste time going to the tire store, why when your in traffic you can just whistle a young boy down and he will throw it in yoru truck for ya. The saddest part was the officer gave him money but by the look at the young mans face it wasn't enough. But, what could he do it was a police officer that gave it to him. It was painful looking at him and his look of disappointment. Then, as we were saying this is to much to handle a little boy came begging at our window. He kept using his hands to show us I need money for food (using his hands this is the message he sent). So, after we said no it didn't work. He stayed by our window for literally like 5 minutes just over and over asking for money. it was soo sad! I would give money, but I've done that before and its unsafe. After I did several other young boys surrounded our car asking for money. So, it was heartbreaking. We were like geez who knew going to the grocery store could be so painful! On the way home we somehow got talking about childbirth which got me thingking about childbirth here. Wow, not only is it all natural but its probably very very unsanitary! I then asked A the question....do you think peopel here are happy? I mean they don't know any different than their lifes, but still its gotta be hard. She said I don't know how anyone could have happiness in this life and environment. I don't know its an interesting concept.

This brings me to Thursday. I went to The English class again. It was great! I love associating with the people of Haiti and of the church. There were 4 people there and I loved talking with them and getting to know them! It really is a bright spot in my week. We had to take 2 of them home because it was literally DOWNPOURING!! So, as we were traveling in the car I took the opportunity to ask one them my question from the night before. I asked him....are you happy? I asked this not just randomly but he was just talking about how hard life was. So, I just said even though life is hard you are happy right?? I mean you have a family and the gospel.  He said something along these lines. He basically said yes but no. He said it is hard realizing that you can't achieve your dreams and you can't procide for your family. This got me thinking about how lucky we are again. Except this is in a way i never really thought about. Do you know how lucky we are to DREAM?? Who would've thought this was such a blessing. I realized when he said that, that its true in Haiti many can not probably achieve their dreams of being a certain career or having nice things, its just not really possible here. Some peoples dreams of providing for their family is really not even attainable, seeing how 80 to 90 % of the population is in poverty and can not find work.  So, think about that....we are so lucky to be able to dream and have goals that are attainable!

Then there was today. As I was driving in the car I was noticing all the trash in street. See it rained last night and and that meant trash was everywhere. I noticed one extremley large pile of trash however. As I looked at it I then looked and saw a few men just sitting there doing nothing. I see a lot of that! It got me thinking. Why don't all these people who aren't working or doing anything come together and help their country by cleaning it up. They could make it a more enjoyable place to be, but they don't! They just sit in the mess. I can't judge them. I don't know their life! However, it makes me wonder..would you just accept it because thats the way life is? Or would you get up and do something about it? Its hard to know what we would do since we weren't raised in this environment. I would like to think I would. Ok and my last thought for today was this. Am i becoming numb to things?? AFter living here for 6 weeks I have just come to accept everything thing I see as normalicy! As we were driving home we witnessed a car accident. In the states I would of stopped and made sure everyone was ok. I wouldve been a witness for the police on whos fault it was. But here I just wanted to get out as soon as possible. I also saw not one was hurt so I found myself saying of course there was an accident I'm suprised I haven't seen more. It suprised me how I reacted to it. I hope im not becoming to numb.

 Anway, that is it for now! Im going out to do some more service tomorrow! I love it! Such a bright spot in my week!!

Vacation Disney

Well I like Haiti but it's good to get back to the United States. It was a much needed break. It was actually pretty crazy being back in the states. Everything seemed so commercialized. It really made me realize how far behind Haiti is. I mean there were probably more buildings in a square mile in Florida than there is in 20 miles of distance in Port AU Prince. So last week for abotu 4 days we went to Orlando Florida to do the Disney thing with the kids. It was fun for them. I remember going to Disney when I was 10ish or so. It was so fun for me at that age. I remember being so excited to see all the characters. I think the kids enjoyed the characters . It was much better to go in February than when we went as a family. It was the middle of the summer with crowds of people and hot and humid. So, I'd recommend this time of year but bring your rain jacket. We were all freezing because it was like 50-60 degreees. We were used to the 90 degree weather. So, needless to say I spent some money on buying warm clothes. We also got to go shopping which I normally hate but I think when you don't have something and then you have it again your so much more grateful. It was so nice to go to a Target and know that I could safely buy whatever I wanted. Like I've said many many times, we are so blessed in the States. We also got to see Seaworld which I had never been to. I loved all the shows. I thought it was amazing what those animals could do. However, my favorite part of our whole trip was my brief visit with my wonderful cousin Ryan and his wife Laura and their three kids. They live about an hour outside of Orlando and they were kind enough to drive down and visit me. We spent about 4 hours together and it was wonderful to talk to them. I hadn't seen them for like 4 or more years. It was also great to talk about the gospel. I never realized how much it was apart of me and how it dictates so much in my life. I have missed my time chatting with Mary and my mom about things of a spiritual nature. So, It was nice to talk to Ryan and Laura on that level. It was just fun to see them too. Amazingly after all our vacation was over and done I was ready to get back to Haiti. You know I have discovered and have known previous to this you can be happy anywhere and you can make home anywhere. I'm again so grateful for this opportunity to be here and have this experience and I'm grateful for my short vacation to the states.

The cool Dolphin show!

One of the Ugliest Fattest Sea Creatures I've ever seen!

Me and Cute Laura...She is so tiny and cute and looks just like I met her 12 years ago!

The whole Fam and Me...they are so cute!







Me and the Boys



Gratitude!

Today was a good day. I went with Rebecca again. It was very good. We went different places today. We went to a downtown area where there were A LOT of people. We had to go down a road that to be honest scared me a little bit. I was on edge just a little. Rebecca said don't worry its ok. So, I relaxed a little. We ended up going to a medical clinic. It is a clinic ran by nuns here. So, the road was so crazy we just had to get out and walk to the gate. So, I walked hand in hand with one of the Haitian boys. They are so sweet and just protected me. As I walked into the clinic I walked into the wound center. Rebecca said the first thing I want you to do is go comfort that man. Just hold his hand and tell him to be still and its going to be ok.  There were 2 American woman working on him. So, I went and held his hand. He was screaming and was in so much pain he had some sort of infection and they were draining it. So, I was holding his hand and telling him it was ok. Then I realized I wasnt feeling so well. I think I was so overwhelmed with his pain that I must have locked my knees or I forgot to breathe or something because I started getting very light headed. I was like Ill be fine Ill be fine. But then I started getting blurred vision. I started feeling sick to my stomach. So, I told Rebecca I'm sorry but I need to sit down. So, I sat down and my light headedness went away and I drank some water and started to feel bettter. After that I went into a room where there was a lot of medications and some nuns. I was told to just stand by the table and they would tell me what they needed. So, basically it was a line of parents and children coming in. The nuns would talk with them and find out what was the matter and then would give them medications. I would count them out and hand them to them. I don't cry to much but today really hit me. As I sat and watched all these mothers, fathers, and children come in. I could see they weren't well. I could see the hard life they have lived. It didn't seem like reality. I don't understand how this could be the condition of so many. I couldn't cry because I had to stay strong but my eyes definitley welled up. I thought about how blessed we are to have health care and to have such easy access to it. not only do they not have access to healthcare but they are so much more prone to diseases. So many of the children were malnourished. It just made me sad. It was an englightening experience and these are the moments that I can see are really changing my perspective. I was overwhelmed but grateful I could be there and be some help. When we left I decided to ride in the back of the truck. It was great, it felt so good. We drove back to Rebeccas and had some lunch. At the clinic we met a lady who works here but is from North Dakota. She came with us. There was also 3 other American woman who were from Minnesota that were helping. They didn't eat lunch with us however. So, it was interesting because we got to talk and discuss Haiti. I sorta live in a bubble. Thats why I love these past two Saturdays and really being apart of it. I drive down some of the same roads that I did today. However, It was like I was seeing things differently today. As I looked from the back of the pick up truck its like I had new eyes and I was seeing things for what they really were. As we talked and discussed the culture and the Haitian life I don't completley understand it all, I don't think I ever will. I can tell you though as I looked around and as I see the Haitian people I know it's a hard life and I know I'm extremley blessed. Its really hard to process it all. I can't figure out how life could get this way. I hope that Haiti can figure a way to help themselves. It's also crazy how expensive everything is here. So, you would think third world country everything must be so cheap. Well the American lady, Mary, who came with us was talking about her search for a place to live. Well, she was getting quotes for $2000 for an apartment and above. She currently lives in a Hotel/apartment and its $1800 a month for nothing really. Its not even an adequate apartment. No wonder 80% of the people are malnourished and starving. Most Haitians live on less than $100 a month. But if rent is that expensive you do the math. Food is no better. On the street a bushel of bananas and some oranges will cost about $25. Its absolutley crazy. It makes no sense. Anyway after we dropped Mary off we went over to another place it was a nutrition center. So, basically mothers bring in their babies to be fed and taken care of because they can't. Most of these babies are very malnourished and very tiny. For example one baby Rebecca was holding. She asked me how old I thought he was. I said 6 or 7 months. He was 2 years old. Its very very sad. So, we held them and fed them. I couldn't help but think how sad. Here are these precious little babies and children of God and they can do nothing for themselves. They are living in this sad sad situation. Thankfully there are these good people who are trying to help. We saw another one on the way out it must of only weighed like 2-5 lbs. It was just sad. They are so frail but at the same time they are kids. They are just normal kids. They want to play and be loved. I don't know this whole day I've just been really trying to process it all. It's like I've seen Haiti and I've known its not a totally easy place to be, but today like I said I saw it differently and it affected me more than I can really put into words. The things I saw today I think will be etched into my brain forever. How lucky we are to have been born in the United States, to be educated, to have medical care, to have families who love us and support us, and to have a roof over our heads. I just feel so blessed and so lucky. I know God watches over all his children and I just hope that one day these precious little children will be blessed on high. Keep them in your prayers and please always be grateful for all the many many things we are all blessed with. I just read Pres. Monsons talk from conference The Divine Gift of Gratitude. You should read it. You can find it here THE DIVINE GIFT OF GRATITUDE However, if you don't have time to read that. Here are a few of my favorite quotes from it.A greek Philosopher Epictetus said, "He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." Pres monson says: "Do material possession make us happy and grateful? Perhaps momentarily. However, these things which provide deep and lasting happiness and gratitude are the things which money cannot buy: our families, the gospel, good friends, our health, our abilities, the love we recieve from those around us. Unfortunatley, these are some of the things we allow ourselves to take for gratned. The English author Aldous Huxley wrote. 'Most human beings have an infinite capactiy for taking things for granted.'" So, I feel. I feel I have taken so much for granted and shame on me. I may not drive the nicest car or have the fancy clothes or house. But, I have a wonderful life full of happiness, good friends, love, and family. I am blessed, as we all are. As I came home today from these various places and sat down to a nice big meal and a nice hot shower I realized just how lucky I really am. I hope we can all think a lot more about how blessed we are instead of what we may be lacking because remember there are people in the world who lack much much more than you or I will ever imagine lacking.  Anyway, I've rambled long enough. I guess the whole point is I'm Grateful and I want you all to Know that WE are ALL very BLESSED!!